um....um.....um.....

So which is worse, having too many things to do and not enough time to do them, or having just enough things to do and plenty of time to do them? For years I've wanted more time to pursue my various pursuits, and within months of finding that time, I'm squandering it. What is it about the winter months that just hits like a ton of bricks? It's all I can do to drag myself to my daily activities, but I can't get up the energy to pursue the numerous extra-curriculars I'm passionate about. Heck, even a blog post or two would at least be productive procrastination! I have so many little things drafted offline, and I haven't even gotten around to putting up some pics from my exciting, all-expenses paid trip of a lifetime to my company's corporate headquarters in suburban Minneapolis. Just think of what you've been missing.

One of the joy's of part time work is the increased amount of time you get to spend at home. But it has it's downsides. When I was a full time worker bee, home to me was the place of leisure and comfort, dreams and romance (that is, dreaming about romance; little actual romance occurred). But here I need to devote my home time to work, or at least to activities that might eventually become income producing (such as singing, grantwriting, and maybe, just maybe, real writing.) But what a change when the purpose of your home becomes multi-use! How can I work when there are so many windows to stare out of, so many magazines to read, and so much putzing to be done?

Lose too much energy in the home and Father Time spends his day taunting and mocking you. Each hour starts out harmless enough, a young 6, an adorable 10. Soon enough you're facing the unruly teens, the hour seems like it's slipping away by 21, and by 33 you're not even on talking terms. The hour trudges on to middle and then old age, only to die and leave with nothing but his ever-agin offspring. And there you are, still chewing your breakfast.

So we have an ebb, and maybe just by doing this little bit of "work" right now, I'll boost myself into a flow. But right now it's only 4:30. And gloomy. And soon it will be night. But wait, that reminds me of something. The luminous work that I'll be performing in less than a month. There's some inspiration. Another tune I'm working on lingers as well:

Must the winter come so soon?
Night after night, I hear the hungry deer
Wander weeping in the woods.
And from his house of brittle bark
Hoots the frozen owl.
Must the winter come so soon?
Here in the forest, neither dawn nor sunset,
Mark the passing of the days.
It is a long winter here.
Must the winter come so soon.

— Gian Carlo Menotti from Samuel Barber's Vanessa